I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
