Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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