I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
