She's JV to your varsity
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
