I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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