How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
