I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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