just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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