I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
