Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
