Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
