We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
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