dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
