What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
is wine microwaveable?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
