I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
