He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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