this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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