barbara walters just said penis...
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
