Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize