we're blogging at a bar
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
