If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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