Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
jump out the window naked night went bad
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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