my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
