batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
