worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
