Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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