if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
birth control should be required to get into college
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Boobs are out for the taking
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
