Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
