did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
