bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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