how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
