Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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