someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
