You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
my liver is dry heaving
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
