do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
