Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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