Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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