I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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