That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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