i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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