it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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