You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
