glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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