i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
