brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
