I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize