he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Randomize
