Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
