she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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