Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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