Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
