Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
