official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
