And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize