I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
