My liver just broke up with me...
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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