rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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