I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
