Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
