I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just forgot I was standing up.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
