dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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