Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
