I could have mohawked her pubes.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize