Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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