theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
