I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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