we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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